Lovely Rug

So, I have blue rugs on the floor in the kid's bathroom and very light cream/brown rugs on the floor in my bathroom. The ones in my bathroom WERE really pretty. The kids' rugs have had reason to be washed a number of times, so I didn't think anything of throwing them in together. The blue ones still look normal, but the pretty ones in my bathroom are now a REALLY ugly gray with lighter patches. Yuck! I guess I will have to pick up some RIT dye and see if I can come up with a slightly less bad color.

Life!

Some days are better than others. Some weeks are better than others. I have had better months than the past couple of months. For some reason, things have not been going as smoothly as I would like. Granted, Paul and Brigham are potty training. Actually, for the most part, that is going much more smoothly than I would have anticipated. However, it means that we have been at home for much of the past two months. We have virtually stopped going anywhere non-essential, and I find that I am lonely. Four kids is a big adjustment. Hyrum is now too big for his infant car seat, which means no longer having the convenience of being able to let him stay asleep after he has finally gone to sleep in the car. I can't just pick him up and lug him. AND, the kids seem particularly difficult lately. I am more than a little tired of having to explain how EVERYTHING is fair to Joy. I feel outnumbered and overwhelmed. Some days. Don't get me wrong - the kids are great and I love them immensely. I am doing exactly what I want by staying home with them, but some days I wouldn't mind a little more adult conversation. I know that there are ways to combat the feelings of loneliness and desperation, but those require more effort than I think I have. I have wise friends who have gone through the same thing, and they all advise the same thing - get out and do stuff. Take your kids and be with other people. Make time to go on outings. And, I live in a wonderful ward with lots of fabulous women who have kids the same age. It isn't like I live somewhere where there just isn't anyone available. But the effort required to load four kids and all of their paraphernalia in the van to go somewhere is a nightmare itself. Having people over would also be a good option, but it too requires effort. Where is the magic maid of happy goodness who comes in and takes care of all the little jobs that need to be done so I have the time to have friends over? I think she is taking an extended vacation.

It occurs to me that there are probably lots of other moms (okay, not just moms, but people in general) in the exact same situation. Which is why I am blogging. I admit to a private pity party every now and again, but public pity party is not my style. And, I think we have the tendency to look at other people and think, "Well, Sister So-and-So never seems to have these problems. I must be the only one." However, I think that one of Satan's most effective tool for this crowd is isolation and introversion. He wants us to feel alone an unhappy. And, As the mother, my mood and attitude sets the tone for my home. I used to think this was entirely unfair. Why is it that so much rests on me? Doesn't everyone have the responsibility to choose for themselves? However, I have come to see this responsibility as a gift. I have the power to have a dramatic influence in my home. Because I can choose, I can choose to be happy, to not let frustration get the best of me. I can choose to sing instead of scream. I can choose to focus on the cute quirks instead of the pet-peeves. I am the adult here, and I can make a difference. What a great gift.

So, I guess that means that I need to plan more, prepare more, and put forth the effort to be social. It really is to my benefit. It may take a little more short-term effort, but in the long-term, I think it will be well worth it. I was reading a friend's blog earlier today and could completely sympathize. She was talking about how making new friends sometimes felt like dating all over again. The same doubts and insecurities plague me that did when I was dating. Did I say something dumb? I wish I could learn to listen more and talk less. I wish I were better at conversation. Am I really as dorky as I feel? I wish I could be like the popular kids. How come no one seems to like me? Obviously, our adolescent fears don't ever really vanish. Or, maybe they do for some people. Someday I will be self-assured and confident. In the meantime, I will learn. And, that really is the point, isn't it?

Kettlebell Goddess

As you know, I have been working on getting in better shape. I have to be careful about how I phrase it, because it isn't really just about losing weight. Anyway, for my birthday, I asked John to get me some kettlebells. What are kettlebells you say? Well, these are kettlebells. I have a 9 pounder and an 18 pounder. They originate in Russia and are really starting to pick up momentum here in the US. John is a big proponent, and since I really needed to start doing some weight-bearing exercise (being a woman and all), I decided these would be the best option. They are very versatile and don't require a lot of equipment. So, I started a couple of days ago, and they are very doable. I am not a weight person, but I am actually kind of enjoying them. Best of all, I only have to work out 20 minutes a day! Whoo Hoo! It ends up being a little longer because I do some joint and mobility exercises as well as cool down stretches, but it really isn't too bad. And, I have been promised by a competent trainer (John) that my 20 minutes a day is all I need to look like a model. I am hoping that he didn't forget to mention that it will take a couple of years, or some other such nonsense!

Neglect

So, if my blog were a plant, it would be brown, dry and dead. If it were a child, CPS would have been called in. And, it is all my own fault. Actually, as much of what I blog is life around here, I think I would have been censored if I had been blogging lately. Now that Paul is mostly potty trained (still working on those darn BMs!), Brigham has decided he wants to do it too; which of course, is GREAT! However, there is a lot of indecent exposure going on. If I blogged, it would be obscene. I feel like many hours everyday are spent in the bathroom with two little boys. I was actually just commiserating with my sister who is potty training her twin boys and being grateful that I didn't have to fend one off the other for turns on the seat. Be careful about what you are grateful you don't have - you might get it. Now, the chore is trying to keep Brigham from sticking his head in the toilet to see what Paul just did, or the other way around. Fortunately, Brigham is going to be an easy train - he has seen what Paul does and wants to do it too. I actually started because I went upstairs one day and found Brigham on the seat and it was obvious that HE had filled it. YEAH! I was really worried Brigham would be very hard because he is so busy.

Anyway, in the meantime we have been keeping busy with all sorts of crazy stuff. I think I am not going to start back to blogging again, sorry for the absence!

What?!

We had a bit of a rough morning here. Paul's coughing at 5am had Brigham and Joy up at 5:30. There was a downhill slide from there. At one point, I went into Joy's room to comfort her and as we sat with her in my lap, Brigham started counting to four while pounding on the door. When he got to four he would scream (just for the sheer pleasure of screaming.) I said, "What are we going to do with that crazy screaming boy?" Joy's immediate response -

"Maybe we would take him to the doctor to see if his brain is damaged."

What?! Where did she come up with that? (Not a bad idea, though.)